is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
