If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
