Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
