Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
