3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
