where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
