dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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