Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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