She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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