i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize