Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
