What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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