DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
