she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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