is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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