Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm at about main and main street
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
