dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize