you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
