I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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