worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
