Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize