he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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