I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
