Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
