I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize