I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
