here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
worst night to have a conscience
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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