Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
