There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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