I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
