Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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