I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
