We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize