Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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