woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
