Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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