people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
