I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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