What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
