you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
