I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
