I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
