Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
