Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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