ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
