Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
