As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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