I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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