Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
