I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
