john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just gargled with NyQuil
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
