I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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