i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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