I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
