At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize