so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
