Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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