sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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