if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The air was thick with penises
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My feet surprised me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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