why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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