There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
