my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
