It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
