Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
