i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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