What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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