38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no you cant smoke seaweed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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