Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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