i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
