nut hugger
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is wine microwaveable?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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