i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
