i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
