The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
