evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
