That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
