dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
