That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
