halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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