I have demons in me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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