I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
