how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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