All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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