Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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