It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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