He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
