i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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