sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
