I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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