It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
