Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
