Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
