the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
