Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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