I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
