I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
