Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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