At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
