this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize